Introvert getting over Glossophobia
Growing up I was very shy in talking with 'other' people. These 'other' maybe people unknown to me, or people showing different attributes than me, or people behaving differently than me, or people of different age, sex and ethnicity than me. I am someone who likes to be by myself most of the time. This habit and liking of living alone and staying alone have decreased over the years but it is still there. This habit of living alone and staying alone can be very easily observed as to how I used to spend my time growing up. I used to play with my cricket ball alone whenever I felt like, I used to play with my pens or just lay down and think about what my future might be. I never felt weird about being so self-obsessed, self-contained and self-conscious. I used to judge myself sometimes even as a kid and put myself down but those down moments didn't last as the spirit of childhood took over for good instantly. As adolescence approached my dealing with society went down. My self-critique and self-doubt went up and my self-esteem went down the hill. I started doubting my ability to do things, I stopped participating in school and in social happening around me that meant I had zero friends. No friend meant no or zero social interaction. This was more due to shifting from Ambala to Ranchi. This cultural shift affected me in all ways but I was still a child so I copped up with cultural change but hated it at many levels. This phase turned my shyness into fear. I started fearing people, because of minimal social contacting and my bullying in school and around.
The fear of meeting people, interacting with people, and being around people gave anxiety to me. This phobia can be seen in my performance in social interaction activity in school, it may be public speaking or a group project. This can also be observed as in class 9th or 10th I was supposed to speak on water conservation in which I performed so horribly. So, anyone who went to school have read about water conservation which proves it wasn't as I didn't know much about the subject and the talk was also in Hindi which signifies it wasn't also about the lack of command of the English language. But my performance is horrible because of the fear kicking in every time I failed in and I might fail next time.
BUT during my college years, I participated in a few public speaking competitions with ups and burps. Read many books regarding same, heard many techniques regarding same and applied few. My latest experience is talking in a zoom meeting which went reasonably well and was influenced by the factor of me knowing my craft than fear of not being able to speak and interact with people.